So like I said, I found out Guns has this sick fetish that I could not put up with anymore. I caught him twice before the last time. The first time I caught him, he blamed it on me and because of my insecurities, I believed him. I felt maybe I wasn't doing something right or maybe I let myself go and I'm not the women he fell in love with.
- He did the typical guy thing and denied it at first, turned the script on me, and then swore that it will never happen again because he doesn't want to lose me.
As you can tell, it did happen again...and again he found a way to blame it on me, he made me feel like I was inadequate as a woman and a wife. I got so weak as a person to where I again believed it was my fault. Then he promised again and cried and said he will NEVER...EVER do this again, he doesn't know what's wrong with him and he's soooo happy I caught him because he knew what he was doing was wrong.
So I forgave him but it was hard for me to really trust him. I started to really keep an eye on him. He would get phone calls from his EXs and it would piss me off. His excuse for still talking to them is because they were is best friends before they were his girlfriends so I couldn't ask him to give up those friendships.
- Don't get me wrong people, there is nothing wrong with being friends with the opposite sex, but there is a limitation to your friendship. These ladies didn't have any respect for his marriage, they felt like they were still TOP DOGs when it came to him.
Right before he deployed, I found out he started doing the same thing again. So I put on a fake little smile and continued to be the good little wife of his. <----This is the reason I had his password to his email account, IM, and voicemail (even though he has tried to change it on me several times) because of shit like this! When he left, it was something that was eating at me, so I waited a week after he deployed to tell him that I was filing for a Legal Separation.
- Now if you really want someone to know that you mean business you have to be willing to do things that will have major consequences. I knew the legal separation would hit home for him, I always threaten to level him but this was on paper. It validated it.
Anyways, he finally calls me and I started telling him that I love him with all my heart, and then I told him that I was filing for legal separation, that I know he started to do the things he did before and I will be DAMNED if I allowed him to make me feel like it was my fault again. I told him that I was done with everything and that I hope that it was all worth losing me.
- Of course he started to freak out, asking me why am I doing this to him, why did I wait until he got to Iraq to tell him that....blah blah blah.
Then the denying came...and he tried to flip it on me, but I stood my ground. I told him, he's making things worse on himself by doing so because I have evidence. I told him that I had nothing else to say and if he wants to save what's left of this marriage he needed to get help. At first he said he didn't need help, so I told him then he didn't need me. I said that I put up with a lot of sh** in our relationship and I will not put up with it anymore. I can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth and I am tired of the lies. So I got off the phone with him.
- The worse thing you can ever do to a man his drop a bombshell like that on him and he can't do anything about it but wallow in it. I knew that because he was in Iraq all it could do was eat at him, I wanted him to see what he was losing and that's exactly what he was doing.
Everything started to go the way I wanted it to go, he pleading with me, he cried, he apologized, he was losing his mind....he wanted to know what he could do to save his marriage, for me not to leave him. I told him, the only way I would not file the papers if he goes by a few stipulations. He had to go to counseling for his fetish, we had to go to marriage counseling together, all communications between his EXs stops, and he had to go to church with me EVERY Sunday. He hesitated at first and then he agreed. I told him, I don't trust him and that I will need proof before I could ever let him back in.
Since that conversation, he has sent me emails telling me how much he loves me, that he will give me the world, and that he will do everything I asked and he will prove to me that he can be the man he use to be. I told him that's fine but if there is ONE slip up, then the papers are signed and I am gone. My bags will always be packed.
Stay tune for more updates on Guns and I....
Until then
Kisses xoxo
( I had to delete the prior message because I accidentally hit the post comment button)
ReplyDeleteI am terribly sorry to read that. I really hope that things work out between you and guns. I think you took the right approach by taking action and let him know that you were serious about this. Now its up to him to try to salvage the relationship but he will need your support more than ever. Good luck and blessings.
It is all about what you are willing to do ‘business with’. And it sounds like you have reached your boiling point.
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies, I really appreciate you comments and concerns
ReplyDeleteWow. Sounds like your relationship is missing that key component called trust. Trust is something that has to be earned, and it sounds like he hasn't earned yours (or maybe he had it, but lost it somewhere along the way). A good marriage counselor could help with that, so I think you're on the right track there.
ReplyDeleteYou said: "The worst thing you can do to a man is drop a bombshell like that on him when he can't do anything about it but wallow in it." Well, that is true - the hardest feeling for a man to deal with is the feeling of helplessness - and I can't think of many things that would make a man feel more helpless than being 8000 miles from home and wondering if the woman he loves will still be there when and if he gets back...But now comes the part where I have to disagree with you (sorry). Iraq is a scary and dangerous place. Right now, the ONLY thing that should be on his mind is survival. He needs to be 100 percent focused on staying safe and alive and doing what he went there to do. Distractions are dangerous. Distractions lead to bad decisions, and bad decisions can have dire consequences in a place like that. Waiting until he deployed before dropping this bombshell on him was cruel and dangerous. If you love him, and it sounds like you do, then please, please assure him that you WILL be there when he gets home. What happens after that is up to you, but he needs to know that, for now, everything is going to be okay.
Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh, and this is between you and Guns and I should just stay out of it...but my brother was almost killed in Iraq two years ago. The love of his wife and family may well have been the only thing that gave him the will to survive, and kept him alive and brought him home. Guns needs your love and support more than anything right now. If you love him, then he deserves that much, no matter what he might have done that pissed you off.
Thinking of you, and praying for his safe return.
Jeff
Thank you Jeff for your comment and advice. It was never my intension to wait until he deployed to tell him, I was going to try and wait it out but none of my options were going to make things better. YES Iraq is a crazy place but things have slowed down over there (I'm not making any excuses, it's still dangerous). He is a grunt and they are staying on the BIGGEST base in Iraq right now; where they barely leave the wire and he will be standing post on base for 7 months<---This is why I said he has nothing to do but to wallow in it. His brother just came back from the same place and it was slow then too. He calls and talks about how this deployment is pointless, that they don't do anything...he feels like its one big vacation (that's one of the reason I wasn't so worried after I told him).
ReplyDeleteYou are right though, he needs to think of survival and he does know that I will be here when he gets back but he knows he is walking on eggshells with me.